My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
