You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I enjoy the company of your penis
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
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