In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
