I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
I wish they made helmets for livers.
He felt like a one man threesome
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
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