whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Randomize
