i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
