it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
