Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Randomize
