We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
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