can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Randomize
