im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
