His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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