The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize
