This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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