did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Randomize
