Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
