she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Randomize
