now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Randomize
