3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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