If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
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Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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