when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Randomize
