I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
