I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I have already put on my inside pants.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
