Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
