i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
