i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
