i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
where am i from again
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
