if i died would you start the facebook group?
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
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