I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
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