Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I have grass duct taped all over my body
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
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