you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Randomize
