please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
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