Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Randomize
