Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
