I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
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