How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Randomize
