fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
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