i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
The adults are the big ones right?
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
