She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Randomize
