I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
