So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I have aggressive nipples.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
