oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Randomize
