i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
