Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
being pregnant is like rehab
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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