she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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