I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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