Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
