Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
