If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Randomize
