Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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