i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
