? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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