this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
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